Parenting

Homework: Wot so Funee?

My daughter is a funny writer. When she puts her mind to it, she can write witty commentary filled with wonderful adjectives and characterisation. But she’s easily bored, and – if I’m going to be more honest than a loving mother ought to be – a tad lazy. Her teachers, enjoying what she writes when inspired, have always seen fit to encourage her into increased written productivity. It hasn’t always worked. Creative writing: This year she has a lovely teacher who has ventured into the dangerous waters of loosening the reins on her creativity. For our recent holiday to Florida, …

Read more

Wot so Funee? Brownie Pack Holiday

I recently spent my first nights away from my family. There was a lot of excitement, and a bit of emotion in the days before I went. I even said I didn’t want to go, but that was more out of compassion for Mummy’s impending peace and quiet limbo than an actual desire to forfeit the freedom of my first Brownie Pack Holiday. I had my bags packed 3 days before departure, rising early each morning to double check I had everything I needed. I sniggered as Mummy attempted to paint my name on my matching plastic crockery – with nailpolish, …

Read more

Do you really want to be a parent?

Why is it that we never tell expectant parents the truth? Parents wax lyrical about the joys of being a parent. Like a cheerful gang of die-hards, they laugh off the well-quoted exhaustion, discuss – endlessly – the requirement for wine, and welcome each new recruit with a knowing smile and a wink of collusion to the gang behind your back. And you learn. You learn to cope, you learn what those winks meant, and you learn to worry… Finally, I’m going to tell you the truth about parenting: For non-parents, weekends bring fun and games: maybe a couple of beers …

Read more

I’m saving my pocket money: Wot so Funee?

What’s the right age for children to have pocket money? If it were down to me I’d have been spending an allowance from day dot, but I was probably 5 when I got my first ever Pocket Money. Me and the Bug get £2 each on a Saturday. £1 goes into our Piggy Bank for spending on random tat and stuff we want that we’re not allowed.* The other £1 gets swallowed by another money box to which we are not allowed access. Mummy claims that when it is full, she puts it into an ISA in our name. The …

Read more

Eskimos rub noses…

When I was little, one of my first words was “tiss.” Apparently. Personally I can’t quite believe I was ever unable to utter anything less than a perfect articulation/dissemination/elucidation (see, told ya – eloquent). But Mummy, with her wont for recording cutisms from my past, insists it is so. So we kissed. And then we rubbed noses. Along with those daft games all mothers insist on playing with their babies, we rubbed noses: What do fish do? “Pwah pwah pwah…” What do piggies do? “An approximation of a chesty old chain-smoker…” What do Eskimos do? “Rub noses…” To this day, …

Read more

My name is GG and I watch TV…

Prompted by a thread on Mumsnet this week Mummy got rather mixed up in a debate over the rights and wrongs of watching TV as a child. It seems some bloke has advocated banning TV entirely for the under-3’s. For God’s sake! The under-3’s?? I have about enough time to eat my tea, go to a couple of playdates, do my homework, complete my music practice, and read a book or several before bed, without worrying about when I’m going to find a window for Tracey Beaker or Horrid Henry. Don’t get me wrong, I will sit for 36 hours in …

Read more

Madeleine McCann: who are we to judge?

Are Madeleine McCann’s parents really to blame? Once, I left my baby alone. I checked the windows of my hotel bedroom, closed the door and went downstairs to dinner. The reception on the monitor in the restaurant was terrible; anything could have been happening and I wouldn’t have heard it. The couple in the opposite corner seemed to be having trouble with their monitor too. But it was fine. I knew she was asleep, in her cot, unable to climb out, and there was a smoke alarm in the hotel. Have you ever left your sleeping child in a locked …

Read more

Our favourite childhood toys

A Mummy Too has shown us Stevie, her favourite childhood toy. And now she wants to know what ours are. Mummy knows exactly which toy her favourite is. I can’t think why she chose it, because her Wendy is a mangy old dirty-yellow teddy with a saggy bottom. Luckily it lives in the loft, and she has no hope of finding it any time soon, so you will not get to see it today. The story goes that when Mummy was around the age of 9, her older brother’s girlfriend slept over, and was made to share Mummy’s room. When …

Read more

A short story about self-harm

There was once a little girl with a temper. A bit like the girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead. She was helpful, kind (if a bit bossy), mature, supportive, funny and clever. She was an incredibly determined little girl, who learned things fast and loved to read. One day the little girl started piano lessons. She never wanted to practice, but her Mummy sat with her and they both played together. She got stuck a few times, because learning the piano is hard. When she got stuck she flew into such tempers that she cried, screamed, …

Read more

The Perfect Mother’s Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. You forgot, didn’t you? *Panic sets in across the parenting nation with thousands of Dads causing mass internet chaos as they rush to check online calendars.* Ok, it wasn’t really; but Daddy figured out that next weekend is Mother’s day, and that he is going to be in the USA at South By South West (SXSW) for a huge digital marketing conference. Guilt-stricken, he geared us up for the perfect Mother’s Day and calmly informed Mummy that her day off would be occurring one week early. So she got Apple and Gingerbread Muffins in bed with …

Read more

Why writing is so difficult – Dear so and so

Dear GG, I didn’t really know what to do. I couldn’t fathom how to help you. You have written so eloquently in the past that I was shocked by your first effort at a book review. Simple one-liners with poor spelling – that’s not my girl, what’s happening here? I tried to suggest improvements. I was met with coldness, anger, even rudeness. You’ve had these phases before, and you always come out of them and revert to the helpful, mature and funny girl we love. Sometimes we find the reason and help you out of them. Others we never know …

Read more

A Series of Firsts

Well I am at it again, having been tagged by lovely newer bloggers My Rusty Halos and Mad Dog Woman of Shackleford to write up my series of firsts, or my first time at various set episodes in my life. I’m not really one for responding to tags, as I mentioned in my Blogger’s Dozen yesterday, but I couldn’t resist the cheeky answers which began to creep into my 7 year old head as I read the questions: First Boyfriend: *Jonas. He was in my Reception class at school. He can skip better than any of the girls, and he …

Read more

How to do Valentine’s with kids

"Chocolate Hearts"

Valentine’s with kids Convert this: To this: Like this: Melt a bar of white chocolate and colour some of it pink: Half fill a silicone mould with white, and top up with pink. Chill. You will get these: Which you should place in boxes made by your children, using a downloadable template: As for dinner for Valentine’s with kids: Provide pink champagne: And a great dessert: Then send your other half to put the kids to bed while you make this: Cook anything, it really doesn’t matter. Sigh with satisfaction when you uncork this: Job done: kids and adults happy …

Read more

Reasons to be Cheerful and Thankful Thursday

Mummy is very cheerful, or so she says. I fail to see it somehow. What is it about grown-ups that makes them cry when they are happy. Grown-ups are just not normal. Take me: happy = smile; sad =cry, or at the very least grumble. Grown-ups just have a very upside-down view of the world, don’t you think? But she says she is happy. Happy and thankful, so I guess somewhere in that weird old-lady mind of hers she must be. The Bug (who started school in September and is now 4 and a half) brought home reading books today. …

Read more

How to Celebrate New Years Eve with Kids

So. Here we are. New Years Eve. You have downgraded year-on-year from wild parties and Capital city fireworks, to champagne and canapes at home. You no longer celebrate with alpine ski breaks, and there was even one, dismal New Year that saw you force down half a bottle of champagne around 10pm and then collapse in bed, awaiting the early cries of  of the newborn baby. You can’t get a babysitter or a taxi. I am no longer placated with an early night – I want in on the party! Kids have changed the way you celebrate New Year’s Eve. …

Read more

A Birth Story of Two Halves

This is part of a bloghop. Please click here to share your own Birth Story. Today I am posting a guest contribution from the only thing that Mummy gained from her NCT courses – a best friend! She had never really discussed this with her friend, given that they were both lost to a fog of despair in the first weeks after our births. They would meet occasionally whilst dashing around random shops or parks desperately seeking respite from the sofa of feeding hell. They only ever had time to mutter a hasty ‘Lovely to see you, must do coffee, …

Read more

Bullies and Cliques

Are you a bully? Some types of bullying are less obvious than others

Last week Blogland was in a tiz about bullying. A lovely mummy blogger wrote a post describing something she felt bad about; someone else criticised her very harshly, and everyone kicked off! Amongst all the discussion about bullies, another theme arose: cliques. It seems people feel that there is a kind of hierarchy of bloggers. Well there is. Some people have been at it for longer, they know each other well, they have stuff in common. It is natural. Allegations of cliques were bandied about, implying that some bloggers are hostile to newcomers. I take issue with that. I am 7 years old, and …

Read more

Reasons to be Cheerful & I am Grateful for…

There are so many this week I can hardly choose, so I’ll make it brief and list the ones that come into my mind first: 1. My Birthday: That’s just about the most cheerful I can possibly get! In fact I was so cheerful that I forgot to have a tantrum for the whole day! The same cannot be said for the Bug, who whined all day that he just wanted one more present…..! 2. Craft: To keep me busy! My friends all bought me craft for my birthday. I love this kind of thing! And the really great thing is that I am …

Read more

Should I Support Ipswich or Chelsea?

I don’t know if any of you are football fans, but a subject which often comes up in our house is which team the Bug and me should support. Daddy’s home team is Ipswich, but since these days we live a lot closer to Chelsea and Arsenal (and because, let’s face it Ipswich are rubbish) Mummy argues that we could get more out of supporting a premiership team that actually has a chance of winning something 😉 This debate gets quite heated when other adults are involved. (Whoever said it is possible to have a grown-up argument has quite clearly …

Read more