Living with boys

Pfwooghhrrrsh! Pshew psheww! Pfwooghhrrsh!

Living with boys is different, isn’t it?

There’s one! I’ve got the perfect Shooter Shocker 2000, if I can juuust. Get. It. Outtatheground. Ooofff! Oh. It’s stuck. That’s so unfair.

But look, this one’s even more epic. It’s exactly the right shape. Mummy, you hold the Shooter Shocker while I get the Epicblaster. Pfwooghhrrsh! Pcuuurfff. Pssh psshh!

Ok sweetie, that’s enough shooting now, people are looking. School is no place for guns, ok? (Plus I’m slightly embarrassed that I haven’t managed to dislodge this predilection for weapons from your otherwise angelic personality). Is that ok honey?

Pccchrrrrccchrrrrrcrrrr! Oh God he’s found a machine-gun, how am I going to explain that to the girls’ Mums? Quick! Shove it in my shopping trolley and I’ll keep it safe until home-time.

You’d better not forget to bring it back after school Mummy, that’s my best Slambasher 2point40!

I return with my trolley-load of firearms, a couple of bananas nestled in the depths for snacks. I’ve heard they’re high in potassium. I’m told that’s good for hungry boy hormones.

Mum! Did you bring my Pistolpuncher? I need to show Lenny how it works. *Sigh.*

We start the walk home, pausing to take out random threats that present themselves as cars, trees, dogs…

Pshwoocrrr! Tchkkkkkkkkkk! No! Don’t shoot that little girl, we don’t even know her! You can’t shoot someone you don’t know, it’s very rude!

No! You can’t shoot your sister either, that’s totally unfair! She doesn’t even have a gun of her own! Oh god, what am I saying? You should probably just shoot me now! No… no. I said NO!

Home, and guns are not allowed in the house. I unpack the artillery from my shopping trolley, and add it to the munitions store on our doorstep. Pshooowttrrrrrr! His parting shot to his ordnance of sticks.

"living with boys"

How do you survive living with boys?

24 thoughts on “Living with boys”

  1. oh dear – you’ve got to ‘that stage’ A big bonfire maybe? I remember spending a very long time removing sticks, snapping sticks and saying NO – a lot! Keep at it, the phase will pass and then it will be girls – you think you’re worried now? just you wait!!

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  2. Some ‘kind’ soul gave Ozzy and Kitty Nerf guns for Ozzys birthday recently. Luckily they are too stiff for their little hands to ‘pump’ so they aren’t fussed but oh the fun I have leaning over the banisters and nerfing the back of Papasaurus’s head when he’s on the pooter!

    Maybe you need to go on a Bear Grylls stylee adventure camp with him, just you two. I can see it now, a tent, sleeping on the floor, the bugs… you’ll LOVE IT!

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  3. My 8 year olf never did the gun thing but thinks its HYSTERICAL to squirt water at me from his water bottle every single morning as walks in to school.

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    • Hmmm, I’d rather live with sound effects and sticks I think, I’d have to get my own weapon if he shot me with water on the school run

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  4. Sounds just like Little D and he’s not even 5 yet!! It was inevitable once he started school – always making a “cogglegun” (?! I know) with his lego or a rocket blaster – I don’t even need to explain, you get it… must be that testosterone

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    • Well I thought that, but then the Bug arrived and he was such a little sweetheart I thought I was sorted. Testosterone has a LOT to answer for!

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  5. BRILLIANT post!

    I don’t know how I survive living with boys, I tend to smile a lot and pretend to be interested in Power Rangers when I honestly don’t have a CLUE.

    The only female company I have in my home are my cats, and they both kill stuff for fun so that’s not much help….

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  6. Lol. I live in a houseful of girls, excepting my poor husband, but as a teacher I recognised those sound effects all too well! Pure brilliance!

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  7. Hilarious. I grew up with two brothers… I guess I was the screwed up middle son. That’s how it works isn’t it? Great post. Brought back memories. All fond. Jamie

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  8. I have 4 sons and 1 partner and all of the time I am outnumbered. 2 of the girls spend time out of the house, so a couple of days a week it’s 5/2. Sometimes I find myself yearning for pink and fluffy…. 😀

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  9. I used to be one of those parents that thought if my son didn’t have a gun it’d be alright. Yeh no, that didn’t work. He used to use sticks and stuff.
    I did wonder why we went through like a couple of bunches of bananas a day! A 14ft trampoline is great – and the oldest gets to shoot things online ONCE he’s done everything I want.

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  10. Hehe too true, sooo embarrassing but absolutely unavoidable – we have every type of nerf, super soaker and lots of other horrific assault weapon imaginable. Resistance is futile ;))

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