Blogging rules (or the guide to being crap)

"blogging rules"

Blogging rules

This is a guest post from Distressed Housewife. Today she is mostly feeling distressed because, in her eyes, she hasn’t followed the blogging rules. I am mostly feeling bad for her, because all she did was miss a deadline – a deadline which I also missed. Here she tells you her version of the blogging rules, including the things she thinks she has done wrong.

OK, so there are a number of bloggers out there who write fantastic posts giving advice on how to create and maintain a successful blog.  These wonderfully insightful people who have technical knowledge, common sense and experience of the blogging world offer helpful tips on everything from social media interaction to the plug-ins to use in order to make your blog shine.

I’m not one of those bloggers.  I know this because this guest post for the lovely Actually Mummy was written in response to a task set at the Tots100 Blog Summit which took place on Saturday 11th May.  I started writing it at 3.25pm on Monday 20th May after being reminded that 5pm was the deadline.  ‘Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit’ or words to that effect were hissed through clenched teeth before I started to furiously type for all my life’s worth.

As I missed the deadline and seem to constantly miss the ‘blogging boat’ so to speak, I thought I’d offer an insight into what to do to be a crap blogger like me.  Then you can do the opposite and you’ll be JUST GREAT.

  1. The first is a no-brainer.  DON’T type a guest post on deadline day whilst you’re looking after five kids under the age of nine (three of my own, one niece, one middle son’s guest).
  2. Attend events such as the Blog Summit but try not to be the only person who took her husband.  He will play Candy Crush whilst you listen to the guest speakers and simply wait for an opportune moment to sneak away to the pub.
  3. When you attend these events, just grow a set, will ya?  Introduce yourself to people like Mammasaurus who you’ve pestered for advice through Twitter and email but then, when an opportunity to meet face-to-face presents itself, you suddenly feel shyer than a seven year-old trying to make friends in the local sand-pit.
  4. Do join blog hops, like the lovely Actually Mummy’s ‘Wot So Funee?’ but maybe with a more tasteful post than one about fanny farts .
  5. Respond to other posts and comments but try to have a system of know which sites you’ve visited so you can go back to them.  Also, when you see something you want to be involved in on Twitter, don’t just think you’ll be able to find it again later.  You won’t.  And it WILL make you FURIOUS.
  6. Don’t blog in a rush.  Take your time.  Leave it for a few hours and come back to it.  You’ll always find things to improve.  Or, to be crap like me, do it in a frantic last minute frenzy and don’t make you kids’ tea as a result.
  7. Include snazzy images so you can ‘pin it’ *frantically searches Google images* ta-dah!  Or not.  Not that I sat trying to upload one for twenty minutes or anything but hey, this IS the ‘Guide to Being Crap’, remember.
  8. Sort out your settings so that your post doesn’t appear seventeen times in everyone’s Facebook timeline and you end up looking like a complete and utter narcissistic ego-maniac (when the reality is that you’re just incompetent).
  9. Create a badge for your site that can be shared on other sites but first, get enough technical know-how so that your eyes don’t start to bleed as you follow the instructions.  Curling up in the foetal position sucking wine through a straw does not a successful blogger make.
  10. Make technology your friend, not your enemy.  Beg it to be your friend.  Buy it chocolate and flowers and never, whatever you do, let it smell your fear…

Happy blogging, my friends.  Just ignore the above advice and you’ll be on your way to greatness in no time at all.  Even better, stop reading this and just look at the rest of Actually Mummy’s site to see how to do it properly… 🙂

So what do you think? Should we hang her out to dry? Or do we give her a big bloggy hug and tell her not to be so daft. I really hope you plump for the latter, because then I won’t feel so bad about missing my guest post deadline for Emma 🙁 In the meantime, if you haven’t visited Distressed Housewife before, check her out now – you’ll see she knows more about blogging rules than she thinks 😉

33 thoughts on “Blogging rules (or the guide to being crap)”

  1. It’s definitely bloggy hugs all round from me – a fellow blogger who also gets it wrong most of the time!

  2. Great post, I can SO recognise myself in some of that!
    I’m looking forward to hopefully getting to some meet-ups and will try not to shy away:-/

  3. Hug for sure! But…with that being said why do we need rules after all? Blog after your own heart and you’ll be ok. X

  4. We’re all a bit crap sometimes, aren’t we? Surely that’s what makes us human. Anyone who thinks they don’t make mistakes is either lying or deluded. So I say embrace your inner crapness, it helps keep life interesting.

  5. rules were meant to be broken!!! Nodded in recognition SO many times while reading this! Crap is the new awesome!

  6. Far too hard on yourself, remember the first rule of blogging is their are no rules. Your blog and you decide. Mich x

  7. Heh heh we all run round like blue arsed flies trying to remember to do everything we think we ought to – trust me I’ve seen Actually Mummy flustered before now 😉

    So long as you are having fun in the middle of the mayhem it’s allllll good!

    Words of the day: Fanny Farts.

    Excellent post and an big fat thank you for the mention 🙂 x

  8. What a great post. I think I had a badge once, then no-one used it, I didn’t like it, and got rid. I do have link badges mind. Poor Helen and Annie though do not escape me when I see them in real life. Better late than never – still feel pretty poo (and am not alone) that whoever got my envelope didn’t even say hello.

  9. 🙂 Love this and if it’s any consolation to the DistressedHousewife, I still miss deadlines and still haven’t sorted out a ‘system’ for reading and commenting and I’ve been blogging 3 1/2 years Now!

  10. I’m quite new and didn’t know the rules, broken a good few already and made a few faux pas not on the list including accidently putting DH’s email address (work, oooops) into a form for a competition resulting in his getting lots of unsolicited mammy blogger emails! Huge hugs all round!

  11. Such lovely, supportive comments, thank you. Thanks again, Helen, for the chance to guest post and good luck at Britmums Live, I’ve no doubt whatsoever that you’ll be great 🙂 xx

  12. So refreshing to read this post – found it on Pinterest (must have been the snazzy image!) I like to think the best thing about having your own blog is that you can make up your own rules!


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