Wot so Funee? will be taking a break for the Easter holidays, and will return on 22 April. In the meantime I’m excited to be heading for Britmums Live this summer!

She hardly slept the night before. Would her dress be appropriate? Should she have tried to meet up with someone she knew at Starbucks beforehand? What would she do with all those business cards? Surely it was too “look at me!” to hand them out, but maybe too laughable to spread them over tables, hoping nobody would notice until she’d left.

On the day, she marched straight in, then hovered in the ladies toilets, checking her teeth repetetively for stray cereal and lipstick smudges. Where best to sit? Too intimidating to join a group already immersed in excited chatter. Big table, all alone, so everyone arriving would have to speak to her? No, that one there, with just one occupant, nervously checking her phone.

Note-taking: christ there was so much to learn! Writer’s cramp kicked in before the end of the first session, and the words began to swim on the page with the first keynote speech. Gosh she’d love to get up there and speak one day.

She came home shattered, scuttling past the All Bar One full of bloggers catching up over glasses of wine, secretly wishing she fitted into that crowd, but too nervous to insert herself into already established groups. Maybe next year…

My mother is on her fourth Britmums Live this year. She has also been invited by the adorable @AgeingMatron to answer some questions. Seeing as she usually writes about me and my brother, it’s high time we met the woman behind our personas, so here are some introductions to our mum. Done in our own inimitable style πŸ˜‰

Name: Helen Wills.
Blog: Actually Mummy…
Twitter ID:Β @actuallymummy.
Height: 5ft 7.
Hair: Blonde. Kind of…
Eyes: Bit of a meh colour, but green if she’s been crying.

Is this your first blogging conference?Β No, she goes to everything. Can’t bear to miss out.

Are you attending both days?Β Days and nights (see above).

What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live 2014?Β Gossiping, wine, getting up to shenanigans, squealing, laughing, meeting new people, catching up with old people, the keynote speeches, Emma Freud, Katy Hill, speaking on a panel, going to All Bar One afterwards, bringing home her goody bag for us to ransack…

What are you wearing?Β This:

My rock chic in River Island

Oh sorry, you meant my mother? Well, it’s anyone’s guess really:

What I'm wearing to Britmums Live?


What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live 2014? 16 hours of father free-for-all, including a KFC, a late night, a magazine full of tat, a weekend without vegetables and a missed swimming lesson. Oh, you mean my mum again, don’t you? In that case the answer is very simple: more twitter contacts. And a BiBs award, ideally πŸ˜‰

Do you have any tips to pass on to others who may not have been before?Β Go back and read those first four paragraphs. A couple of people recently have said how self-assured my mother is, to the point of being a bit scary. You want scary, she can give you scary, but only at 8.30am on a school morning. The rest of the time she’s a bit of a wuss. Remember that when you walk in there and come face to face with a blogger you think is full of confidence. They’re usually bricking it, same as you. Just say hi. If they don’t say hi back, they’re not worth knowing. Or they might be a little bit deaf…

So, now I move on to Aging Matron’s inquistion. She only wants to know 5 things about my mother; she will definitely appear much less scary when you know the answers:

When you look in the mirror what do you see?Β A girl of 18, wearing blue mascara and a mini-skirt, panicking about late homework, boys who don’t notice her, and friends who have gone off her.
If you could choose one motto/mantra to live by what would it be?Β Be your own best friend. If you’d dump your friend for saying the things you say to yourself, don’t say them any more. Treat yourself well, tell yourself how fabulous you are, how much you’re achieving, what a good person you are. A CBT once said to me “listen to yourself! If you said all this to your best friend, she’d run a mile!” It really hit home.
Which era would you command a time capsule to transport you to?Β Oooh Victorian! All those couture dresses, fine dining, and immaculate gardens. (I’d be posh, obviously). I reckon I could have fun in a corset πŸ˜‰
What was your childhood ambition and have you fulfilled it?Β God no! I wanted to marry Nick Heyward from Haircut 100 and be a ballerina. Real life has turned out to be much more fun!
If the world were to end tomorrow where would you want to be and what would be on your apocalypse menu?Β I have never been anywhere more beautiful than The Maldives, and I’ve always wanted to go back. I’d be with my family, snorkelling and soaking up the sunshine. We would eat rib-eye steak, green beans in garlic butter, and fries, because every single one of us requests that for our birthday meal, including the kids.
When did you last change your sheets?Β What? They’re removable?

If you’re writing about Britmums Live, head over and link up your posts so we can all find each other. See you there! *Does excited little dance.* *Stubs toe.* *Gets back to work.* Ahem.

And if you fancy helping us out with a vote or award nomination we would be honoured. Just click the badges below to go to the voting forms:


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