My parents know nothing. Well, nothing useful anyway, like which Moshi Monster cards belong in the Fluffies group, or how to do a shuffle-hop-step in Tap. So I don’t think much about things I have learned from my parents. However, inspired by Kate Takes 5’s Listography post this week I got to thinking. And I was disconcertinered to realise that I have picked up some life skills from M&D along the way:

How to argue: I have learned through careful observation how to conduct a ‘discussion’ and ‘settle a difference of opinion’ (these are terms which grown-ups use to describe a humongous row). Here is the process:

  1. Wheedle – start with ‘Honeeeey…’ and a smile, moving onto a terse ‘but darling..’ and a frown.
  2. Put your best listening face on, whilst secretly thinking up a cracking come-back response to whatever is being said by your opponent.
  3. Start doing something else, all the time nodding to convey the impression that you want to be cooperative.
  4. Huff a bit and say ‘I can see your point of view,’ and then move on to explain again why yours is better.
  5. At this point you have 3 choices: a) capitulate and seethe for the rest of the day; b) utter a square-word and run away from home (best practice dicates that you come back after approximately half an hour); c) start shouting, then point out that there are children present, and flounce off with the last word.

The importance of sleep: Mummy is a big fan of this, and after much experimenting I am finally coming round to her way of thinking. If you go to sleep when you are tired, you wake up with rewards and a nice mum. If you stay up half the night reading you wake up with itchy eyes and a dragon serving your breakfast.

Good toilet habits: If you never flush the toilet it will eventually overflow, ruining your Lelly Kelly’s. It can only  take so much. Conversely, it can easily swallow up your iPhone if you’re not careful, so probably best not to check your emails in there.

How to bluff: In the Bug’s recent school show Mummy’s phone rang (loudly, because she is a bit deaf). ‘Oh f***’ she said, as several year 3’s stifled illicit giggles and glanced warily at the Headteacher. I prefer Daddy’s approach; ostentatiously glare at everyone in the vicinity, then quietly turn it off when the fuss has died down. I have found this incredibly useful since the Bug arrived on the scene. It is amazing how he can reach the chocolate biscuits on the high shelf 😉

Lock the doors before you go to bed: If you don’t you will most likely be dragged downstairs to account for yourself at 2.30 in the morning when Mummy discovers it wide open. (Lesson one comes in very handy then) 😮

This post was inspired by Kate Takes 5. See the other life lessons here:
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