Helen

Colourful midlife mum to two teens. Determined not to do as she's told and slide off into invisible old age. Much cooler at 50 than she was at 15. Host of the Teenage Kicks podcast, about mental health for teenagers.

Destablilised: Riding a Bike Grown-Up Style

I did it! Six and a half years in, two and a half since my ‘bicycle birthday’ I finally wobbled my way to independence! There have been many slanging matches along the way, several threats to give my bike to the charity shop, and numerous months when my wheels lay quietly at the back of the garage, waiting for me to be ready. Well suddenly, this week, I was ready. Setbacks that would have previously seen me screaming with uncontrollable delusions of failure caused a mere shrug and a hop back into the saddle. Fruit pastilles magnified the motivation levels …

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Trading Cards: Moshi MONSTER Meltdown!

Trading cards – what on earth are they all about? I have been begging M&D to let me get involved for some time now. I am desperate to log on to the computer game, but M&D say that whilst they are still paying for the Club Penguin membership there will be no new subscription-based online games. Finally, faced with a need to make me sleep more, Mummy invested in an incentive programme. Two weeks later I have the beginnings of a nice collection of cards. Twice so far I have had a complete temper meltdown. First I left my carefully …

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Seasickness Remedies

My Daddy gets seasick. I know this now because we went on a ferry to Guernsey last week and he couldn’t manage anything beyond ‘aaargh that was a bad one’ for the whole trip. He has spent the first 3 days of our holiday panicking about the return journey, and I’m sure from his reaction that no-one has ever felt as bad as he did. At the time I was pretty nonchalant, but now I am concerned. He has developed a new-found obsession with a website called windfinder.com, which he studies intently from the first moment of awakening until just …

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#PassitOn – I’m Grateful For…

Check out the other Gallery entries here. I pester a lot. I try not to, I try to be grateful for what I have, but there’s just so much delicious stuff out there that it’s really difficult to pretend I don’t want it. So when Mummy asked me to stop and think about what I am grateful for I had to mentally change tack. Mummy tried to get me started by telling me what matters to her, but that was too predictable for me: me and the Bug, Daddy, health, a nice house, etc. Actually, once I got going it …

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Family-Friendly Travel: Should Airlines Segregate?

As the holiday season approaches, I thought it pertinent to raise the issue of air-travel with families – and those individuals who are not family-friendly. Whilst reading the Sunday papers last weekend Mummy had what can only be described as a coffee-snort moment. Apparently someone had written to the Sunday Times travel section complaining about the fact that families are allowed to share the same space as normal grown-ups. The author of the complaint had been compelled to sit next to a baby who not only failed to keep its arms and legs still, but who showed an unhealthy interest …

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Not a Perfect Parent: the One Where Mums Lose the Plot

My Mummy is perfect. Most of the time. At least, I think she is. Which is why, when she’s cross with me – and after my frustration at the injustice of it all has dissipated – I write her little notes to say sorry. It works like magic. I get a hug, she says she’s sorry too, and if I really lay it on her I may even get some apology chocolate. Seriously, Mummy is a moody mare at times. She once (in a good mood) called herself ‘silly old Mummy’. She laughed when we agreed. I tried it again, to …

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Mustachioed – The Gallery

This week Sticky Fingers has given us the challenge ‘Mustachioed’ for our photo blog posts. Not being brave enough to put one on myself (the moustache would probably look better than any of the individuals in my family given the lack of sleep that’s been going on around here), and not owning a dog, we decided to plagiarise an idea from Toy Story 3.

Rock Choir: Mummy Plays Wembley Arena!

Mummy belongs to Rock Choir, a no-audition, no-questions-asked singing (and a bit of dancing!) group. She joined after Christmas, thinking it would be a fun release from ‘being a Mum’, with maybe a couple of small local concerts occasionally. Fast-forward 4 months and she becomes one of a 7,500-strong group performing yesterday at Wembley Arena. Now I’ve had my moments in the spotlight, but that’s what I call Diva status! I’ve wanted to see Miley Cyrus in concert for many months now, but with M&D not splashing the cash for tickets, I was happy to settle for this as my …

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Madeleine McCann: how fear has changed us

* Updated: There is a new aged photo of Madeleine McCann as she might look aged 9. Please take a look and keep Madeleine in your mind. This post was originally published on 12 May 2012, and was updated with this image on 26 April 2012. Yesterday was Madeleine’s 8th birthday. Mummy has pored over the McCann news articles for several days now, reliving the horror that another mother has experienced on a loop for the last 4 years. I am aware that something is upsetting her, though she would never let me in on the facts. I am also conscious of the …

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Top tip for picky eaters – do more cooking!

I am not what you might call a picky eater, safe yes, but not picky. Fish fingers, pizza, sausage, tick. I do vegetables and fruit to the extent that Mummy feels reassured that her healthy cooking has not gone to waste, and I may even be coerced into trying something like beetroot – so long as it comes in the form of a ‘red-velvet’ cupcake (read ‘chocolate with a faint whiff of beetroot’). Apart from that I am about as predictable as a 6-year-old can be. Imagine my predicament when my younger brother arrives on the scene. Milk, baby-mush, the odd bit of soggy toast; …

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Breathtaking Bluebells!

Not literally my backyard, but a place nearby that M&D take us every year on the offchance there may be bluebells. Some years we are disappointed and Bluebell Wood becomes Pocahontas Land owing to the wigwam-shaped stick houses that other children have thoughtfully built for our enjoyment. This year, as you can see, we got lucky!

Boys don’t wanna have fun (if it involves the Royal family!)

Wedding fever has gripped at least part of the nation this weekend. Naturally, I have been caught up in this, attending the screening of the event at my school in my best wedding dress (I have 2, just in case). As the bride walked down the aisle I gripped Mummy’s hand and shed a couple of tears, the emotion of this real-life fairy tale being too much for me to contain. I then managed a disdainful glare at the handful of boys who had been dragged, no doubt kicking and screaming, to the event, only to indulge themselves in playfighting …

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Funny things kids say – The Bug aged 4

kids laughing

Funny things kids say Diary entry. GG. Age 6 1/4 I like to think that I speak rather well. From the moment of my first utterance Daddy has been priming me with the most elaborate and un-childlike words he can think of. Usually when he has nothing much else to do, such as when supervising the bath. Hence my ability to correctly enunciate the term ‘dermatologically formulated’ before the age of two. He believes it will make me sound more intelligent as I grow up, but the more usual reaction is fits of giggles from Mummy, or bemused stares from strangers. Obviously the Bug uses …

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Tooth Fairy Misadventures (part 1)

In addition to this blog, I am writing a nightly journal. My first entry attempts to encapsulate the first 6 years of my life succinctly, so that I can move on to the cataloguing of  present-day events. As you will see below, a certain mythical friend has taken on a significance of epic proportions in my opening statement The Tooth Fairy (or T.F. as she is known in our household) has become something of an infatuation recently. She has made 2 visits to our house this week already, and I am currently working hard on securing another nocturnal stopover from her. …

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Accidentally?

‘Mummy, I accidentally ate an ice lolly….’  

A Mothers Day shopping list

My Mothers Day shopping list Mother’s Day is one of the most important days of the year – third only to Christmas and my own birthday. School has been prepping me for this happy day for several weeks now. Each afternoon has seen me returning home with an additional line under my belt to the celebratory song which begins ‘My Mum’s ever so special…’. I have had a home-made card in my book-bag for a good few days; the strain of keeping it hidden through the daily bag searches that Mummy performs has been almost unbearable. I have spent several nights unable …

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I need to get out more.

By GG, aged 6 I am quite a busy girl. Aside from the fact that Mummy commandeers an unreasonable amount of my leisure time for such activities as clearing the table, putting my shoes away, brushing my teeth, and going to the toilet before we leave the house, I also have quite a number of other commitments to keep up with. For starters, I am attempting a school record for how many playdates I can fit into just half a term. So far I’m doing quite well, although the Bug has recently started adding his own social engagements to the diary, which …

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Cute things my brother says.

So, we’re watching Dumbo last night (I know, it’s not the visual masterpiece of Disney’s more recent creations, but it’s only 60 minutes long, and that’s how much time we had before the much anticipated final of Dancing on Ice). We get to the bit where the hallucinatory dancing elephants morph into various incarnations. Bug finds all this hilarious, until one of the elephants is hit by lightening. ‘Ouch’ he says. ‘That would of stinged’ . Bit of an understatement, I thought, but hey, fairly perceptive for a 3 year old!