What Santa said to the Tooth Fairy

I know we’re well into January now, and by rights I should be posting recipies involving brown rice, or decluttering tips. Heck, it’s even too late for New Year resolutions now! Which it just as well, because I didn’t make any…

I’m terrifically tardy, but I’m going to bend your ear about Christmas, because really, this is one conversation I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to share.

What Santa said to the Tooth Fairy

What Santa said to the Tooth Fairy

Prologue

A week before Christmas, the wobbly tooth began to feature. Apples and carrots were requested, not to store up for the reindeer, but to force the dental issue. Corn on the cob failed to do the trick, and by Christmas Eve The Bug had given up on his tooth in favour of a more promising nocturnal visit. As we settled down in new pyjamas to watch The Snowman before bed, a happy exclamation was heard from the corner of the sofa.

My tooth is out!

What are the chances of that? A visit from the Tooth Fairy on the same night as Santa! How lucky are we? (Said no parent in the history of Christmas Eve).

Of course, he promptly dropped it down the side of the sofa, where it remained until a week later, when a post-Christmas floor sweeping session turned it up by the front door. I still haven’t figured out how that happened, but I like to think it went something like this:

  • 20.00 – As we read 25 December Lane on my bed, we hear jingle bells in the distance. (Or possibly outside the back door). “Quick! Into bed! Santa’s nearly here!”
  • 20.30 – Snuggled in their beds, my little darlings are fast asleep. (Remember this is fiction, it’s what I like to think happened, not the actual whole truth).
  • 22.00 – Yawning, we forgo the usual Christmas Eve watch of Love Actually over smoked salmon, and wonder when GG will ever stop ‘needing the toilet.’
  • 23.00 – Before I go to bed I prick a finger to check for low blood sugar on my diabetic daughter (excitement can cause hypos, and what’s more exciting than waiting for Santa)?
  • Sure enough she pings awake. “No, he hasn’t been yet, go back to sleep.”
  • Next on my list is The Bug, who I take to the loo just in case. “No, he hasn’t been yet, go back to sleep.”
  • I settle into bed, but they’re not sleeping, so nor can I, if you get my meaning.

At some point I doze off, and this is when I imagine the fun really begins.

(Santa, arriving around 1am, is stashing chocolate coins into stockings when a door creaks open).

Santa: Good heavens Bindweed you gave me a scare! Not often I see you on my travels.

Bindweed: Nope, this one’s been wibbling away at his tooth for a week! And I was hoping for a night off!

Santa: Ah you won’t get any sympathy from me, I’ve been at the coalface 24/7 for 3 months now.

Bindweed: I’m sure, but you’ll be chillaxing over a giant roast dinner in a matter of hours, whereas these pesky kids keep me at it all year! Plus I get the night shift every time!

Santa: True enough – I’m just about done here, care to join me in a mince pie downstairs?

Bindweed: I would, but I’ve a tooth to find. Will you look at this? Another tooth missing in action – the parents have left me a note. I hate it when they do that. I have a devil of a job getting paid if I turn up with IOU’s.

Santa: Oh I’ll help you look. Let’s go down.

Bindweed: Hang on, someone’s up. Quick, hide in the wardrobe!

Santa: Crikey the Mum’s up for a 3am blood test. That girl will never go back to sleep once she sees the stocking’s full. We’re going to have to be really quiet now!

Bindweed: Yep, right the coast is clear. You go first, and mind you don’t rattle that sack on the way down.

(The magic pair tiptoe down the stairs, minding the 3rd step from the top, which creaks).

Bindweed: Right, I’ll hunt under the tree, you take the fireplace.

Santa: Erm, I might just dump the sack on the sofa while I drink this sherry, if you don’t mind.

(General sounds of munching and shuffling of presents).

Bindweed: Can’t find it anywhere, is it on the sofa with you?

Santa: Let me check. Dammit, I’ve spilled presents all over the shop!

Bindweed: Men! (She rolls her eyes). Here, shove them back in the sack and I’ll help you drag it out to the hallway. Got anything in there for me?

Santa: Might be able to muster up a few chocolate coins?(Bindweed gives Santa a stern, raised eyebrow kind of look). Ah, no, maybe not…

Bindweed: Right, I’m going to have to leave it, I’m late for my next collection.

Santa: Gosh look at the time! They’ll be up in an hour. Those poor parents…

We did wake up soon after, although the children remembered their promises to be quiet for an hour. GG, instructed to test herself on waking, found herself low enough to justify a couple of chocolate coins in bed, and we woke to hear about “the most awesome pair of socks, they’ve got toes in!” and the 11 packs of Match Attax The Bug had requested.

As I said. The above is how I’d like to think it went. Needless to say, I needed an early night on Christmas day 🙂

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